Extended Relationships - the Courage to be a Single Mom
Through the years, I’ve confronted many evils, the biggest of which was a situation cast upon me by my own personal choices. I never planned to be a single mother. That wasn’t in my life plan, and no where in my schedule of existence was it designed into the basis of my being. I wanted to be a married, work from home mom with a fun career making a few extra dollars to help support my family, maybe put the kids through college and add to the retirement fund, but I wanted a husband/father figure in the home. I didn’t want to work away from home, work full time, or be away from my kids. But, when marriage goes bad and the man you counted on abandons his responsibilities, you have to step up and do what is required to fulfill your own responsibilities… Parenting children as a single parent isn’t easy.
When my husband walked out, there was that immediate feeling of crisis, a source of jealousy of every woman on the planet who had a loving husband still in her relationship. I knew their lives were better than mine, because they had a man in their life. Nothing could have been further from the truth, no matter how good their man was. Their life was their life and mine was different, but not less important or less valuable. I existed on a different plane of existence, but my life was still worthy of being lived and valuable. I was still the mother of my children and no matter what the other half of my parental relationship chose to do, I had chosen parenting as my life goal, so I felt a responsibility to pursue that, more so than just the commitment to being a mom, I had given life to those children and I owed them the opportunity to grow up and become worthwhile mature adults.
Because of my parental choices, I received a lot of flack from family and friends who knew they were smarter and more capable of telling me how to parent than I was at parenting. They were wrong. I held my ground. I knew my own capabilities and I stood firm on my own choices. My children were brilliant. We’d spent years home schooling, they knew how to work hard, celebrate their achievements and accomplish their goals. I knew they would be fine, and they are.
As one faces life as a single mom, another faces married life as a new parent and two more continue to grow and thrive in life as mature young people accepting the challenges that life tosses their way. Brutal honesty is a great teacher, and these children have faced the brutal reality of life more than once. They understand that not all the world spins on the same gentle axis and sometimes in order to achieve greatness, you must first survive the trials and tribulations of doom. More over, they realize that of the struggles life is made of, none is so fierce as the one that comes from within when you must overcome your own frustration and acknowledgment that life may not turn out the way you planned.
You can look back at the choices you’ve made and become bitter and angry at what went wrong, or you can look ahead and see the opportunities you’ve gained because your choices didn’t always go the way you planned. There’s nothing that prevents you from saying, “Wow, what a change there’s been in my life” and reconsidering your future. Think it over, make some changes, and do what you have to do to live the life you want to live. There are a few easy steps to success in this process.
- Acknowledge your choices and the way they’ve changed your life.
- Accept your own responsibility for these changes and look for the reasons your choices were made. (It’s important that you remember the reasons.)
- Look for opportunities to make a difference within your life implementing the changes and the choices, while acknowledging that your original goals may have changed completely.
- Find your source of energy and commitment and re-align your life to meet your goals. If you have changed your goals, acknowledge the changes and meet your own expectations of responsibility and commitment.
- Redefine your goals, set new plans into order and begin the first steps to accomplishing those goals.
More than anything else, acknowledge that those who made different choices in your life are not responsible for the choices you made. Give their responsibility back to them and allow them to make their own choices. Don’t take on more than you own choices and goals. Those are all you can handle.
2 Responses to “Extended Relationships - the Courage to be a Single Mom”
September 8th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
great. we should make our choices
September 8th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
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