Jack Reacher is a favorite character at our house. Not the Tom Cruise kind of Jack Reacher, but the one from the Lee Child’s book that is 6’5″ tall and weighs in at a hefty 250 lbs, capable of giving Tom Cruise a good cage rattling and still escape with his character intact. So, the fact that we’re reading his books here isn’t a surprise to anyone.
However, reading the word “Lamar” in his book and knowing he’s talking about my hometown was a shocker. First he’s an hour out (in reality, on the plains, we talk in miles and distance not time, so he’s already given away his lack of comprehension) south of town, then he’s coming in and finally has cell access about the edge of town from the south… Um… he didn’t mention Two Buttes, Gobbler’s Knob, or the Emick Wind Generators as he passed them by during that hour. (Nor did he mention Springfield and the massive culture shock of driving through one cowtown, and into another.)
But after hearing his ‘far reaching description’ of my hometown, I had to brag a bit on Facebook:
So… Reading “Nothing to Lose” (a Jack Reacher book) and 80% into the book he mentions Lamar. Describes it to the teeth, except for the TALL WATER TOWER. Redeems himself with, “the pumps were operational, but the pay booth was closed up and dark.” I suppose it could have been one of the not-all-night-stations there… Small town made famous by Lee Child. “Cell coverage died 8 miles north of Lamar.” Bet he had an ATT cell! LOL
He didn’t mention the Spreading Antlers Golf Course, LCC, or the massive number of ball fields on the south end of town. He omitted the common dialogue of how long Main Street is. He missed his chance to stop at BJ’s Burger and Beverage for a mind numbing hot fudge and marshmallow milkshake, or the greasiest Super Burger in four states and a territory. And beyond all else, there was not one single mention of the classic Lamar City Council and the infamous Carolyn Kelley complaint that there’s a junkyard at every entrance to Lamar. Nor did he mention the delightful (if pungent) aroma of burning sunflower seeds and rotting cow dung that seems to hang over the community, no matter which direction you enter.
I’m certain he didn’t take time to stop at the musty and dank *NEW* Cow Barn Hotel and Restaurant before he crossed the river bridge. Although, he missed his chance at high-culture when he wasn’t caught listening to Ty Harmon on KLMR.
Still, I found it noteworthy to know that even the infamous Jack Reacher, now made famous by playing in the movies, drug his demi-god Lee Child through the fiery pit of hell, known as Lamar, Colorado, and made mention of that fact, without complaining of bullets outside his hotel room, or whining about his encounter on national television, as did another infamous character who found herself being threatened by the racist mobs that waste their time at the local watering holes.
Of course, we all now know that when her highness, Oprah Winfrey comes to town, proper etiquette requires that we leave our guns and ammo outside the hotel and never threaten her, learn from Paula Deen and never say the *N* word, and above all else, make certain she has adequate 5 star lodging and dining, instead of a room at the aforementioned Cow Barn. Although, I’m quite certain, Doug Thrall could do her up right if she wanted to make a reservation at his proper and electrically challenged establishment.