I’m finding the older I get the more I feel that I need to be HEARD.
I live in a house full of people, and I have hordes of friends, good friends who listen to everything I say, some read every single word I write (except the ones I delete), and clients – I have absolutely amazing clients.
But still, there are days when I don’t feel like I’ve been ‘heard’.
And it can be an emotional drain…
As a writer, I’m a word girl. I spew words over incidents that most people shrug off and forget within ten minutes. I get caught up in commenting on those passe events. Sometimes to the point that I feel as if I drone on and on about them, but this is a different need. The need to feel heard is about life changes, startling, growing events that take place in life, where you need to FEEL as if someone not only heard you, but acknowledged you, in a way that matters.
I’m not the kind of person who shuffles off to my corner to live quietly, although I am not extremely outgoing. I do have a life, and I’m actively involved in living.
Last night, after having a rather intense day of realization, where a family member passed, and I made the call to some of the more distant relations, I realized there’s a process that happens when you feel ‘heard’.
Of course, the first step is to say something of value, and then this process follows:
- Know who you’re sharing your heart with, beyond just the cozy friendship, beyond the trite and proven ‘connection’ that you’ve listened to them. There’s a level of understanding and comprehension that comes with truly hearing the heart of another, and you MUST know the person you’re sharing your heart with will respond in an appropriate manner. You don’t necessarily need them to FIX anything, but you do need them to hear and understand you.
- Ask for acknowledgement that they heard what you said. Sometimes reiterating back to you what was said is necessary, but more often, you just need a response from them. The response should be acknowledgement although it may not necessarily be agreement.
- Connective discussion. This generally comes as a reactive sharing that happens when two people can connect over a heart to heart conversation. Family members may discuss family history, events, or other family members in an informational manner. Friends may discuss history, events, or friendships and connections in a similar manner. And clients may discuss history of service, events, products, and connections in a relative manner. The point will be in the connection of two people who have a history of some sort.
- Relativity. The person you share with will comprehend and relate to the subject you’re sharing. Sometimes with a personal experience, but more often with a related incident.
- Empathy. Yes. Your friend who understands your situation will empathize with you. They may not get down in the dirt and grovel with you, or complain, or even sympathize with you, but they will most definitely empathize with you.
Sometimes the difference between just having a conversation and being heard, is what takes you to the next phase of life. If you find someone who truly hears you, they will inspire you to think bigger, find a way to achieve your dream, and meet your life goals. They will be the definition you need for the plan you’ve pulled together from whatever sources you’ve found.
The most credible resources you have are those who truly HEAR what you have to say… Seek them out.