Behind the camouflage wall we build around ourselves, in some diabolic attempt to prevent the pain of judgement from others, do we really believe we’re invisible?
For the first time in several weeks, I was alone yesterday at the house. I’d felt exhausted just getting over a bug, so when the kids left to do their family outing, and a quick meet up for work, I stayed home. At first, I took a nap – it was short – the doorbell rang. Some guy selling something or other, and I didn’t even bother to go to the door. I just pretended nobody was home. From less than ten feet away, I watched him try the door handle, then.. rather obviously think better of it and slowly walk away. He kept looking back, as if he knew someone was watching him. I was.
Sleep wasn’t going to happen after that, so I got up and sorted through my friends list on facebook, deleting all the non-existent accounts, and reviewing the names on my list of 5000 friends. Do I know them? Yeah… Many in real life. Some just through politics, or writing, or work, but many are life long friends. People whom I would stop and talk to on the street. And yet, I know ONE person in my neighborhood.
That’s when I realized that I’ve become invisible.
Only one neighbor knows me… I decided to take a short walk up the hill and see if anyone said, “Hello.” So, I pulled on my shoes and took off, up the hill to the corner, thinking I’d turn around and come back from there. But I kept walking, around the whole block. Three people said, “Hello.” One of them asked if I was new in town? I said, “No, I’ve lived here for the past year.” and she said, “I must have been really busy. I hadn’t noticed you.” I just smiled and nodded, knowingly… “I’m invisible.” We laughed and I walked home.
I’ve now met three more neighbors and one is convinced I’m psycho.
The question is – why did I build a wall?
I could come up with at least a million reasons.
Why do I feel invisible?
- Feeling abandoned
- Feeling alone in a strange world
- Change – too many changes
- Empty nest
- Emotional overload
I’ve experienced all of them, many more than once, and some more often than I care to count… Why wouldn’t I struggle?
Then, there’s a concept that I truly believe:
Life is 10% what happens to you, 90% what you do about it.
I’ve spent a life time, choosing to be happy wherever I landed. But can’t I change the landing?
I’m going to change the landing. That’s my goal. That’s what I want to do.
For me. Yes. But more for my family. For my kids. For my grandkids.
I want to pull down the wall, remove the camo, and live better.
How about you?
Are you invisible?
Are you making the right choices?
Are you ready to make a change?
We can do this together! Let’s do this…