There’s that moment when you look at your life and you think, man I wish I had the confidence I had when I was five.
I did that yesterday, and then again today…
Trouble is, I really don’t lack confidence, but it’s different now than it was when I was five.
Today, it’s managed. When I was five, it was just amazing…
My teacher loved me. My parents loved me. A little curly haired boy with blue eyes loved me. I was fabulous. I was invincible.
When that little boy kissed me behind the blackboard, I thought I was in heaven. And I probably was pretty darned close!
What made me think of when I was five?
Well, the day kind of started off with a boom. I spent Saturday night celebrating a friend’s 50th Birthday, wishing I could be 50 again. Wishing I’d celebrated that day a bit different – yeah there’s a story there, but I’m not telling it today – and wishing there was someone, a special someone, in my life to ‘save the day’ and make me feel special, and love me.
That’s the thing. I woke up to a house full of grandkids, my daughters and their husbands, and my youngest son, and within a few hours – his fiance who came over to spend the day. And I felt…
I’m not sure how I felt, other than… I just wanted someone to appreciate the day with me.
My kids don’t leave me out. They include me. They involve me. And they’re a huge part of my life, but they have “others” and I have… them.
That’s when I got caught up in that moment and started thinking about having someone else, and the curly haired, blue eyed boy… Yeah, he has a name, but I’m not going to embarrass him, this long after the fact, if he’s forgotten about kissing me behind the blackboard. He married a lovely girl, she’s a sweet wife, and they are quite happy. And it isn’t him I’m longing for. It’s the married, the other guy, the someone on the other pillow that I dream of when I close my eyes at night.
Obviously, I’ve had relationships. I know what that feels like. I know that love comes when you’re not looking. I’m not really looking for love, just sharing the thought that I’m available. And a reminder that I’m ready for love when it comes my way.
I’m thinking about being five again, being invincible. Being unstoppable. Because… Fun