When your life isn’t where you want it to be, what must you change to fix your odd predicament?
There are times when we have to look into the eyes of our friends and see our reflection, in order to grasp the pain we feel inside. Those self identifiers may reveal more of our odd predicament than we really wanted to see or recognize. And moreover, they may reveal the whole of our problem, which will either make you seek out a solution, or turn away and remain a victim.
Nobody Wants to Be a Victim.
We don’t start out to be victims. That’s never our first choice. And even the choices that lead up to our ‘victimhood’ are generally not intended to make us weak, or unable to provide for ourselves. The reality of how we become victims can be discussed adnauseum, until we’re blue in the face, and the majority of people who find themselves in that predicament will tell you they’re not the cause. They didn’t choose to be there.
And they’re right. They didn’t choose to become victims. They made choices that resulted in actions and reactions that led to the ultimate predicament, where they feel stuck. And that’s the problem we’re going to find a solution for… Being STUCK.
Culpability is Accountability.
Looking back on my own life, I have realized there are decisions I made that appeared to be good decisions at the time, but ultimately… They were not. And when I realized they weren’t good decisions, I made more bad decisions.
Influenced or not, the decisions we make are our decisions.
There was a time when I seriously wanted to be an interior designer. That was my goal in life, and I set that action in motion early on with a correspondence school certificate in design, before I even graduated from high school. I was excited about the opportunity, and many of my choices in color, design, and architectural presentation are based on my background in design. I still prefer wide open modern spaces with a few specific antiques to showcase over a room filled with furniture and overstuffed with clutter. But life allowed me to accumulate more than my fair share of junk and clutter. So, my decorator style tends to be more overstuffed, yard sale, livability, than open contemporary. But it all started with ONE choice.
I needed a dresser, and didn’t have the money to purchase the one I wanted. So I purchased an American Classic at a yard sale and refinished it with a soft yellow paint. The tiny pink foot prints that covered the front of the drawers belonged to my daughter. And my style shift moved on from there, to something that said, “American Crafter” rather loudly.
Your Needs Exceed Your Ability to Think Ahead
Out of necessity I filled a need, and that became my constant mode from that point on. I needed a chair so I found one that was totally and completely comfy, but didn’t match anything else in my house. The mustard yellow fabric actually CLASHED with almost anything else I owned, particularly the orange and blue toil print tuxedo couch, but it was comfy, so I found places to put it. The nursery, the sun room, a reading corner, or the bedroom? It worked, because it was so comfortable. But that color?
Before long, I was feeling STUCK with the mustard yellow rocking chair, and I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. Each time I allowed it to remain, I made a choice to “hang onto that chair” until I felt STUCK with the chair.
Unload the Bad Choices.
Once you recognize your “Stuck Feeling” eliminate it.
Don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire, but definitely start searching for opportunities to eliminate your problem.
The mustard yellow rocker was beginning to show a lot of wear, after four children and nearly twelve years, so it wasn’t difficult to load it onto the truck of a friend who mentioned needing a rocking chair and how comfy that one was to rock her newborn baby boy. I gave it away.
I felt good about sending it to a good home. And more… It felt good that I wasn’t still stuck with it!
Any bad decision you’ve made in your life can be as hard to eliminate (or harder) as that mustard yellow chair was in my life. Some decisions become so stuck in your daily actions that to eradicate them, you’d have to change your whole personal status. And you probably should.
Belittled into The Choice.
Another reality I want to mention here… We are sometimes bullied into our decision, frequently out of an unintentional comment.
Picking a husband was a huge issue for me. Not that I had a broad selection to choose from, I dated seldom and when I did meet someone to date, there were many times, the wrong person had asked me out.
After a particularly trying summer, 25 coming up hard and strong, I was feeling desperate, single, lonely, and in dire need of fulfilling the one goal in life that I’d always had… And it had little to do with decorating and everything to do with nesting. I wanted a husband.
I had created ‘the list’ and if they varied from the list by much, they were history. That summer was unforgetable. Because it was life changing in more ways than one.
I’d been dating a local guy, and just after I broke up with him, my Dad’s sister came to visit. (There’s another story here, but I’ll stick with the current story!) I wasn’t feeling my usual self, and one afternoon while she was in town, he stopped by to pick up some things he’d left in my car. When he left, he gave me a hug and walked out the door.
My Aunt was feeling bad, about him breaking up with me and said as much. I responded, “He didn’t break up with me, I broke up with him.” And the next words from her mouth shifted my decision making process, and some might say ruined my life…
She said, “I think you’re being way to picky about who you date. You’re not better than him.”
While that had nothing to do with why I broke up with him, that thought got stuck in my brain, and reverberated for the NEXT 32 years (I sometimes still hear it). The thought definitely tormented me over the next several years as I married the wrong men, twice.
The blessings of having four amazing children from making those bad choices, is a testament to God’s amazing grace. The suffrage of making the wrong choices, and the consequences of those choices remain. But the consequences don’t mean I remain a victim of the situation.
My situation. My predicament. Can. Change. With. New Choices. By making better choices, and improving my situation, I can cease to be a victim of circumstance, and so can others.
That doesn’t mean that there are no remaining consequences, but it means that by thinking through the options, I don’t have to remain in that predicament, suffering consequences that are not mine to suffer. It means I can FIND the solutions and apply them.
You can too.
Recognize Your Predicament.
In the midst of the storm, you might think you have to make a choice immediately, but more often than not, the answer is to stay the course…
While you review the situation, find your location, and search out better options, more often than not, the best choice is to stay the course. Stay on track and keep working toward the goal, then as you have opportunities, make better choices.
If you’re decorating your home, you probably won’t remove everything you own and start from scratch. It just isn’t economically feasible in most situations, to toss everything and start over. Even in a kitchen remodel, most people keep their original flatware, and cooking utensils, serve wear, and specialty cooking equipment. There are some basics that just don’t need to be replaced or fixed.
Of course, you must recognize your predicament and start acknowledging the options available before you make a big high-impact decision that will change the future. Do you even know where you want to go? What style of kitchen you want? Do you want a broad open kitchen, or a small room with a lookout? Which one would make you feel most content in your house? Are you sure this is the right house for you? Do you need to consider selling the house and relocating?
Your choices will be better made after you’ve researched your options and know what you want to do.
Best Choices to FIX Your Odd Predicament.
Make a choice. Once you’ve looked at your options, make the BEST choice possible. When you search out the best options, know your current predicament, and use good solution based resources to make those choices, the end result is better. You can escape. You can escape the predicament you’re in, by making better choices.
How do you know they’re better choices?
- Your ultimate life goal is considered first in the choices you make.
- If you have to adjust the goal due to your choice, be sure that’s the choice you want to make – think about it.
- Avoid URGENT decisions, where possible. Of course, you have to take care of any emergencies, but urgent decisions that come out of nowhere, with no real consequence if you don’t make them immediately, often have consequences down the road if you make the wrong decision. Take your time and make the right choice.
- NEVER make a decision from a point of desperation. Back away and take a few minutes (or longer) and ask a trusted friend or adviser to help you sort out the decision if you’re unsure of your choices.
- Write it down. Almost without exception, if you write down the choices, the options, and make your decision based on a written selections and ideas, chances are good you’ll make a better choice.
Escape Victim-hood Mentality
There are so many ways we find ourselves stuck in the victim-hood mentality, but when you’re confident you are making good choices, you don’t have to always choose to remain in the doom of your own victim-hood. You can ESCAPE.
You can make better choices. And the BEST way to do this is to make a decision to ESCAPE those thoughts that are keeping you in the holding pattern, without a reason or purpose. Find your purpose and develop a reason to move on.
If you feel victimized by a person? Or if you’re being bullied, look yourself in the eye (mirrors are a wonderful creation) and remind yourself that YOU are in charge of you. Nobody else controls you, and YOU can make these decisions. You’ve got this.
And trust me… The person victimizing you doesn’t have a clue what kind of firestorm will come from you realizing that YOU have the power to escape their attempts at binding your will. You have the power. It’s always been your power to move beyond their control.
If you need help to escape the place of victim-hood in your life, let’s talk. There are ways to overcome this mindset and move back to a place of better living.